


a broken heart is all that's left

by greeny1710



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Red Bull Era, Yes that's right lads we're going back to 2018 with well done Baku xx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25575808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeny1710/pseuds/greeny1710
Summary: well done bakuyou broke max's heart
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 16
Kudos: 158





	a broken heart is all that's left

**Author's Note:**

> based on a Tumblr prompt from **anon** who said _: I really want to read a Maxiel fic where they’re in a relationship and something happens in a race where they take each other out. Leads to a big fight and them not speaking between race weekends. And Max thinks that they’ve broken up...but they haven’t it’s just a big fight...So angst but not really with a happy ending..._ and my brain was doing the sad times last night so I wrote this instead of sleeping 
> 
> title comes from Arcade by Duncan Laurence aka the love of my life xx
> 
> enjoy :) x

The water was cold as it smacked Max in the face.

The water was hard where it blended with his tears.

The water was painful.

The words hurt more than the water.

The dejection broke him.

The realisation destroyed him.

Gone

All of it

Because he was a stupid little boy

Because he couldn’t take responsibility 

Because he was hot-headed and too like his father

Because he wasn’t good enough for him

Monaco wasn’t meant to be cold

But he took the sunshine with him when he left

He took the warmth

He took his heart too

Max knew he’d never ask for it back.

He may not be lucky enough to have Daniel’s heart anymore, but Daniel would always have his. 

No matter where he was, no matter what he did, he had Max’s heart. Max had given it to him. He wouldn’t ask for it back. He didn’t deserve it.

Not after destroying the one thing he loved. 

Max hadn’t meant to drive Daniel away. Hadn’t meant to break his own heart. 

He’d been angry. He’d been frustrated. 

He’d been scared of what _he_ would say. 

And when Max didn’t know how to manifest those emotions into words, he snapped. And he screamed. And he lost his temper because it was the only way to protect his head when his heart was already gone. 

“What the fuck was that?!” Daniel’s shout still echoed in his head.

The flinch Max gave out when Dan slammed his driver room door shut still rocked his system. 

The argument was playing over and over in his head.

“It’s racing, Daniel, and you messed up,” Max snapped back.

“Excuse me?! You’re the one that should’ve moved-”

“You braked late, you couldn’t stop in time, I was coming to the corner, what did you want me to do?!”

“You were meant to move out of the goddamn way, Max! Everyone and the fucking international space station could see I was coming up to overtake you!” Daniel’s hand pushing at his chest to back him into the wall still burned on his pec. Sometimes when Max looked down, he thought he could see a scorch Mark from Daniel’s hand. 

There was never anything there.

There was nothing there. Or here. 

He was gone now. 

“No, you weren’t!” Max remembered grabbing Daniel’s wrist and pulling it away from his body, throwing it back to his side. Now he wished he’d taken that moment to remember the way Daniel’s skin felt against his own. “There’s no way you could’ve gotten around me in time and held position in the corner, that’s not my fault. You messed up.”

“I moved to come up your inside and you swerved to force me to move again and then when I went to go around your outside, you still moved so I couldn’t! Explain to me how you refusing to let me pass you is my fault?!”

“You need to learn to read the lines, Daniel. It’s not my fault, get over it. You messed-”

Max’s heart still stopped when he remembered the bitter anger Daniel had spat those next words at him with.

“See that’s the exact reason why I’m leaving! Because you can never take responsibility for your own behaviour! You need to grow the hell up Max. And stop being a spoilt little brat.”

Daniel had stormed out after that, banging into his driver’s room next door to Max’s. No music was playing as Max stared motionlessly at the wall separating them.

He still remembered how his eyes had blurred from staring at it. 

He’d put down the blurs to his eyes growing unfocused. 

He chose to ignore the tears cascading endlessly down his face.

Instead he listened to Daniel throwing things around, bags being ripped open and things being pulled away from walls. 

It wasn’t until he heard a voice that he’d moved.

He still wished he never had.

Max had placed his hands flat against the wall as he pressed his ear to the wall, the thin plasterboard doing little to conceal the noise.

“I hate him so goddamn much, Mike. He’s just a fucking kid. He’s not ready for this. It’s why I have to leave. He needs to grow up. I can’t be his fucking babysitter.”

Sinking to the floor, Max pulled his knees to his chest and pressed his hands over his ears like a little boy, not listening anymore. 

He’d heard Michael and Daniel leave not too long later, and Max had even sent a text to Daniel tentatively asking if he was getting the same flight as Max back home. 

That message when unread. 

Just like the message of Max asking where Daniel was when he’d eventually got back to their apartment and Daniel was gone. 

They’d fought plentiful times before. Max’s commitment issues had been a favourite for a while. Max’s lack of responsibility was another common one. 

It had never ended in them splitting up. 

Max had sat up for hours, sitting on the floor cross legged staring at the front door, one of Daniel’s hoodies pulled on despite the fact that during April in Monaco, it wasn’t exactly sweater weather. But Max didn’t care. 

He just hoped that maybe wearing Daniel’s hoodie would warm his heart the way it warmed his body.

It hadn’t.

His heart was gone.

Eventually Max had had to admit defeat and dragged a pillow and blanket off the couch, laying them down on the floor in the hallway and putting his head down on them. 

He didn’t want to go to bed. Just in case Daniel came back.

But he didn’t.

Max sat on the kitchen counter the next morning, staring at his phone as he waited for the call to go through. Daniel always told him to not sit on the counter, that he had problems keeping his hands off of Max when he had him at that perfect height. 

Max loved those mornings when Daniel would be cooking them up a breakfast that they’d definitely have to add half an hour onto their morning run to burn off. Max would always hook his fingers in the crook of Daniel’s arm and pull him close, wrapping his legs around Dan’s waist and using his heels to pull him in closer, lazily kissing him and giggling against his lips when they’d inevitably get distracted and Daniel would nearly burn breakfast. 

Instead Max had made himself an uninspiring bowl of muesli and pushed it around with his spoon as he forced it down his throat. 

It was lonely not having someone to talk to.

Daniel never answered the call.

Instead Max called Michael.

“ _Max?_ ”

“Hi, Michael. Is he-”

“ _He won’t talk to you, Max. He didn’t want me to even answer the phone. Just leave it Max. It happened. It’s over. Just move on from it, yeah?_ ”

“Oh... okay...”

Max put the phone down before Michael could question the way Max’s voice had broken on those two words. 

Tears fell at a rate that Max was almost convinced he was going to dehydrate himself as he pushed himself off the counter and walked through to the bedroom. They’d never bothered to make the bed on Tuesday morning before leaving to go to the airport. They’d laughed in the car. They’d held hands sneakily on the plane. Max had fallen asleep on Daniel’s shoulder. 

Max carefully set about stripping the bedsheets, gathering up anything that he could see that would smell like Daniel. 

If Daniel was through with him, if Michael had told Max to move on, that’s what he’d do. 

He couldn’t keep sleeping on the floor like when he was little again. 

He was a big boy. 

And he needed to start acting like an adult.

That’s what Daniel had said. 

Max should start taking responsibility for his own behaviour and actions. And he should start by taking responsibility for ~~their~~ his flat. He placed the dirty sheets and clothes in the washing machine and went to his suitcase, dragging out anything of a similar colour that needed to go in for the wash too. 

His hands faltered when he’d fingers brushed against one of Daniel’s socks.

It seemed so stupid.

So insignificant.

But Max was holding half of a pair.

Daniel still had the other one.

Max laughed softly when he realised the socks could become a metaphor for their relationship and their hearts.

He would forever carry Daniel’s heart with him, lucky enough to own even a portion of it. If he had one of Dan’s socks, then that meant-

Yes

Daniel had Max’s sock.

It was that which finally tipped Max over the edge, and instead of ignoring the tears, he let them fall. He let his heart shatter. 

He let the sobs rip apart his throat. 

He didn’t deserve a voice.

His voice caused pain.

It ruined the one good thing he had in his life. 

Daniel hated him.

Daniel had broken up with him.

Daniel had left him.

Because he was irresponsible.

Because he was stupid.

Because he was immature. 

The storm outside fought on, except Max didn’t notice. 

He was too busy fighting the storm in his head. In his heart.

Forcing himself up, Max shoved the sock in with the washing and turned it on before pulling some trainers on and walking out of the apartment. 

He wasn’t quite sure how he ended up there, he’d just walked and walked and walked, the rain soaking his skin and the thunder acting as the only friend he had. An accompaniment for Max’s broken heart as it broke the sky. 

Thunder was loud and abrasive, but even it knew when to draw back.

Maybe Max should take some tips from it. 

Max ended up sat with his legs dangling off the edge of the harbour, watching the way the rain melded with the sea, darkening it to a point that Max could no longer see his reflection the normally bright blue water.

It did nothing to alleviate his mood.

The water was cold.

Max’s heart was colder.

-

The break between Baku and Spain was, in a word, torturous. 

And Max had never slept worse.

He hadn’t realised how accustomed he’d grown to sleeping in a bed with someone until his someone was gone. 

Max wasn’t exactly a fan of spooning, but falling asleep in Daniel’s arms was magical. Waking up and turning over to see those tattoos that Max would trace endlessly. Kissing those lips and trailing his fingers across Daniel’s stubble. 

Perfection.

And he missed it.

They always say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Max thought that was a lie.

He’d always known what he had. Always known Daniel was too good for him. Always known that one day Daniel would wake up and smell the roses and realise someone could give him something better than Max could. 

Naively, he’d thought he’d be ready for that day. 

Except he hadn’t been. 

Two years down the drain like it meant nothing. 

A life together destroyed because Max was an idiot.

mijn liefde❤️   
  
**Today** 17:03    
Do you need me to bring anything to Spain   


Max waited hours for the text back. He’d been close to falling asleep in a duvet that no longer smelt like him and Daniel but instead just himself. 

Normally he slept on the left side of the bed. He was trying to get better about sleeping in the middle. 

No point leaving space if he had no one to share the room with. 

Maybe he should get a dog. 

Lewis brought his dogs to the races. 

Maybe then Max wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

Max almost jumped out of his skin when his phone vibrated on the bedside table and he jumped up to grab it, cradling it in his hands as he read Daniel’s reply. 

The first correspondence he’d had in nine days with him.

mijn liefde❤️   
  
**Today** 17:03    
Do you need me to bring anything to Spain   
  
**Today** 00:32    
no   


Daniel said he didn’t need anything, however as Max packed his suitcase to head to Spain for the next race, he noticed Daniel’s lucky socks still tucked in the draw and he slid them into his backpack. 

Even if Daniel wouldn’t talk to him, he had to come and get his possessions at some point. Max may as well start by giving him his lucky socks. 

Receiving an email with his flight details on, Max saved his ticket to his phone and headed out. Backpack on his shoulders with Daniel’s socks burning a mark into his lower back and suitcase in hand. 

He ignored the fact that he was wearing one of Daniel’s hoodies. 

-

Walking onto the circuit that Thursday had hurt. He only had Jake by his side, Daniel nowhere to be seen. 

Max tried to listen when he was told about his media duties and ignored the way his heart ached at being told he wouldn’t be near Daniel for any of it. 

He hadn’t realised the split between them had been so serious. He thought they could at least be friends...

Probably just more of Max’s naivety and immaturity coming through. 

When no one was paying attention, Max grabbed the socks out of his backpack and slid out of his driver room. He knocked quickly on Daniel’s door just in case and when there was no response, he tested the door handle and found it opening in his hand. 

He’d had every intents and purposes of dropping the socks off and leaving straight away. 

He couldn’t resist having a quick look around, smiling when he saw the chaos of Daniel’s brain unloading on his belongings. It was nice. 

It was also the first time Max felt himself smile in a long time. 

“Well this is the last place I expected to find you.”

Max flung around at the deadpan voice, staring at the man that had become his ex-boyfriend with just a few words.

“I’m sorry. You left your lucky socks at hom- at the apartment. I thought you-”

“Why did you cut yourself off from calling it home?” Daniel asked, a frown heavy on his face as he stared at the socks.

Was that a trick question?

Was it not Max’s home?

“You make it sound like I’m not coming back.”

“I know you have to get your stuff,” Max quietly answered, “I’m just trying to get used to life without you.”

“What?” Daniel’s tone was incredulous as he crossed the floor, putting his hands on Max’s elbows and ducking slightly to force Max to look at him, “What are you on about?”

“You left.”

“Yeah ‘cause I was mad at you and I didn’t want to say something I regret.”

“ _You left me_ ” Max repeated, putting emphasis on his words this time. “I’m too immature. Too young. I’m not ready for a relationship. You don’t want to be my babysitter. And I get it. I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you. I’m sorry. I...” a tear broke free as Max fought his way out of Daniel’s grip, it splashing down at his feet as he walked to the door, “I hope you find someone who makes you happy, Daniel.”

“No, Max, listen,” Daniel sighed and Max’s step faltered. “I didn’t mean to give you the impression that I wanted to split up with you. We had a fight like normal couples do. I was angry at you. I was angry with myself. The shit you heard, about being your babysitter, it was because the team are giving you first driver privileges and I was mad because, after that race, I didn’t think you deserved them. You were being immature in the way we were arguing but I wasn’t any better. And when I said ‘this is why I’m leaving’, Max, baby, it’s got nothing to do with our relationship. I meant... I meant I’m leaving the team.”

Max spun around and practically fell backwards into the closed door, staring at Daniel with a mixture of angry and horror.

“You’re doing what...”

“I’ve had offers from other teams. And I’m seriously considering them. One of us needs to leave this team if we want to continue being together. Red Bull is tearing us apart, Max. We’re fighting over every little thing about this team and I love you way too much to lose you to this fucking sport. Not like that. I’m leaving the team, but I never left you.”

“Where are you going...”

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t made up my mind. My manager’s still in negotiations. But, baby, the one thing I’ll always keep, is you.”

“You don’t want to break up with me?”

“Who else is going to kick me in my kneecap at 3am? You’re my everything Max, and I needed to step away from seeing Red Bull everywhere for a few days. I needed to calm my head without seeing you before one of us said something we regret. I’m not breaking up with you, Max. I’d never be able to do that.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart,” Daniel swore, crowding Max against the door and pinning Max to it, “I think I owe my boy something.”

Max’s hands came to rest lightly on Daniel’s hips, fisting his t-shirt in his hands as Daniel brushed their lips together. 

“I love you, Max Verstappen. Always. Even when you make me want to put my fist through the drywall.”

“I love you too,” Max replied, tightening his grip on Daniel’s shirt and pulling him in for another kiss. This one was harder, deeper, trying to push all his apologies and fears and sadness into the kiss so that it was dispelled from his heart and his mind.

Daniel was already carrying Max’s heart with the gentlest of hands. He could help fix the sadness. 

There was still more that they had to discuss, still days of sleeping alone to make up for, but right now, when Max was able to wrap his arms around Daniel’s waist and feel Daniel’s burning hands on his neck and taste Daniel’s lips on his, he didn’t want to think about it all. 

He wanted Daniel.

He always wanted Daniel,

This was all he wanted always. 

There was no place like home in the arms of the person you loved.

**Author's Note:**

> the sad boi energy is unmatched
> 
> kudos, comments and feedback always greatly appreciated❤️
> 
> Tumblr is at 3303andmore if you wanna yeet with me about life


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